Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Attack of the 7ft Morals

Oh, the pain (Stefan bows his head). Oh, the anguish (Stefan lifts head again but still maintains the worrisome look on his face).

I watched an episode of kick-ass law TV series Boston Legal last night and Alan Shore (played by the surprisingly limp-wristed James Spader) played a huge part in clearing the name of a man who helped his brother cover up a murder. He used the “I did it for love” defence. Cock - the man obstructed justice. And before the more impatient people wonder what this has to do with me, calm down my little woodland friends and listen listen up.

This episode awakened the 0.5% of morals in me. Advertising is just as immoral as the legal industry, it’s selling things to people who can’t necessarily afford it.

“Hey poor township-dweller, buy this R3000 cellphone contract and get a DVD player for free. What I won’t tell you is that you can’t afford the little round plastic thingies that go inside the DVD player or the airtime stuff to let you use the cellphone, but still, my goal is to make you part with your money and make us all richer.”

I should tell them that they might as well just burn their money in a fuck-off big bonfire and sing Kum-ba-ya while they toast marshmallows – which they probably can’t afford either. In essence, I’m Hooded Robin in training, a corrupt Robin Hood – I’m stealing from the poor and giving to the rich (Stefan looks up to the sky, pretending that there’s a heaven). In my humble, fairly educated opinion, it’s up there with being a politician or prison warden. Actually, it’s just slightly worse than keeping a little Cambodian kid in the basement to make jeans at 5c an hour – actually, there’s nothing wrong with that, I take that back.

So I've decided to quit my recently-started career in advertising to become a gardener (please feel free to contact me to persuade me not to do it). That way, I can plant seeds and watch them grow literally and figuratively. But the seeds will probably just grow into a big-ass oak tree, which will crush the life out of an innocent family in suburbia one day in a hurricane. So I’ve decided to just stay where I am and shut up.

I knew I shouldn’t have read that Chicken Soup book.

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