Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Eat the Cake

A while ago, a friend of mine brought a very interesting point to my attention. It’s only now that my mind is unoccupied enough to write some mindless dribble on the topic.

There’s an old English saying which go-eth a little something like this-eth: You can’t have your cake and eat it. Normally, I would let these things pass and forgive the pompous twit who thought this up. But this one really gets my g-string in a knot. He was probably high on opium at the time anyway and everyone knows what kak you be shpeaking when you is high on the druks.

Take a moment and think about the total pointlessness of this saying. You can’t have your cake and eat it. Of course you can you twat. I have just one tiny question. What am I supposed to do with it then? Smother it all over my face? Serenade it with my guitar? Caress it gently while it lies in my arms? Read it poetry while it melts under the heat of my romance? paleese.

Technically, the saying means to want more than you can handle or more than you deserve. For example, if you want a threesome with twin sisters from the Philippines but you’re a gay. Or if you want to be a rocket scientist but you’re a dumbass. Maybe you want to save the world but you don’t have a cape and you can’t fly. Honestly, does the saying have any similarities with the meaning? I’ve watched Bollywood movies that I understand better.

So you get my point. You’ll also be happy to know that the person who coined this phrase probably got what he deserved and died.

To all of you, never say this in conversation with English-speaking people, you’ll look like a tit. To my mom, what I said up there about drugs is only what I’ve heard in movies. To that old guy who said the saying, thank you for playing, please try again, and eat the cake.

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