Sunday, April 5, 2009

Beef with Gay Beef

So last night I went out for dinner. Nice time. Pizza. Wine. Intelligent conversation. The type of thing I like – I’m sophisticated like that. Then I threw up in the bushes on my way to the car, but that’s not for here. But enough dilly dally.

I got home and decided to watch one of the famous Louis Theroux documentaries. This particular episode of the series was all about what’s known as the most hated family in America – the Phelps family. They despise gay people. A lot. They make George Bush look liberal. They make George Bush look like he’d enjoy an evening of gay porn and chocolate truffles with Elton John and his man-wife-husband guy.

Now the Phelps family are 70-strong and very religious. They have their own church. But they don’t preach about Moses, no touching stories about blind people seeing again, and you definitely won’t hear about God saving the human race with his only laatie. You will only hear about God smiting all gay people where they stand. Actually, you’ll hear about God smiting anyone who lives in America, because they’re living in a nation that apparently embraces homosexuality (the fact that USA DOESN’T embrace homosexuality is a different topic altogether).

Words like ‘fag’ and phrases such as ‘you’re going to burn in hell’ were not uncommon in this documentary. In fact, it’s pretty much a summation of the family’s vocab. (And for future, I believe the preferred vernacular is homosexual.)

But here my little woodland friends, is the icing on the gay cake. For fun, these whack-job mofos go and protest (picket signs and all) at the funerals of US soldiers killed in battle, claiming that God has struck them down for fighting for a gay nation. Shameful. And it’s so not true. They were killed because they were stupid enough to sign up and get a gun but again, that’s not for here.

Now. This family obviously don’t know that according to the bible, incest is not allowed. They’re all pretty ugly-looking goffel folk already, but to make matters worse, they’ve interbred, making them all look like Hannibal Lector's leftovers. God has punished them for being twats. Punished them by making them goffels. (The fact that Olympian Michael Phelp’s looks like he does is just pure coincidence as he’s not part of the family.)

I’ve gone on long enough. Just watch the documentary and share in my disgust with these C words. And P words. And all profanities. Together. In one sentence. Christ almighty. (That was intended blasphemy. For the idiots.)

Noddy badge for Louis Theroux for exposing these inbred nanas to the rest of the world.

No comments: