Thursday, May 28, 2009

Gory Gory Man United

What a beautiful day this is. The sun is hidden behind the darkest clouds we’ve had all winter, but what a beautiful day this is.

What we all saw last night at the Stadio Olimpico, was nothing short of a fuckshow. Barcelona had their way with United in a 72 000 sleeper motel room and then left without paying them.

Let’s just say that Barcelona scored. United didn’t. Let it be known that I am not taking joy in Barcelona’s victory, I am taking joy in United’s defeat. As any Liverpool supporter would.

It was a lesson in football. Messi showing Ronaldo and the rest of the team how it should be done.

“Meeeeesta Messi, Meeeeesta Messi? How do you plaiy foothball so goot?”

“That’s seeemple Cristiano, I not asshole.”

And typical of United fans, last night as I left the pub, people said stupid things like this:

“We can’t win everything”
“Barca can have it, the Premier League was more important”
“We won more trophies than Liverpool did”

Typical. These were the same people who didn’t stay for the presentation of the trophy (that’s the same trophy that Liverpool won 5 times). Being gracious in defeat may be something you guys may want to concentrate on for next season. It may come in handy sooner than you think.

Did you guys see Penelope Cruz won an Oscar? For Vicky Cristina Barcelona. I’m just saying.

It really is a stunning day.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Facebook Love

I enjoy a good Facebook status as much as the next person. Nice, clever, awesome statuses/stati. Some status awesomeness I’ve enjoyed:

Name Surname is tired of talking about herself in the 3rd person.

Name Surname is updating his status.

Name Surname poked his Facebook friend last night.

That is some quality humour. Using the status update as a way make the world a better place.

I don’t have SUCH a big problem with the boring people who tell us about the weather or their plans for supper, or their exam results. It’s nothing flashy, but nothing kak – they just haven’t put much thought into it. I sense a very big ‘but’ coming along.

When the lovey-dovey attention-seekers start saying things like:

Name Surname is so in love with him. I love you so much baby.

Name Surname is wishing his baby happy 1 month anniversary. I don’t know what I’d do without you.

Stefan Adonis wants to smack those chops in the face with a sledgehammer.

Why do people feel the need to proclaim their pisswilly love to the world? We don’t give a shit. Go tell the Love Guru. Go tell Oprah. Tell your pet lama. Just don’t tell me. Get a fucking room.


Stefan Adonis feels better after getting that off his chest.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Pigs are now irritating me

Swine Flu is now pissing me off. I did enjoy this though:

In other news, a man in Canada was also sick and tired of this Swine Flu kak. So he did something genius. “These pigs can not keep getting the better of us,” he said as he huffed and puffed and blew their house down. He was tired of those dirty swine spreading disease to the world, so he took one for the team and got the dirty swine back. He spread the H1N1 virus, which he picked up in Mexico, to a herd of pigs. So a man, infected a pig. You know, for a bit of a change. IOL spreads this little bundle of pig-joy:

Har. Har. Now that, is funny. Getting those pink blobs of grossness back for invading the news like the Germans did to Poland.

But I’m so I’m over Swine flu and so should you be. Move on.

And if one more person sends me an email with Winnie the Pooh and Piglet talking about Swine Flu I’m going to flip my moer.

I can only hope our bacon doesn’t get infected.