Thursday, June 18, 2009

More than just the game

So, plan was to go out with a couple of buddies to watch Bafana. To watch Bafana make good on 13 years of empty promises. And they didn’t just win, they were sexy. Sexy football. As I watched the game, I had what I like to call an eyegasm.

But the plan was to go out and watch Bafana.

So I’m chilling at host-buddy’s place with driver-buddy, while waiting for broken-watch buddy to arrive. Broken-watch buddy came so late that pissed off buddies had to watch the first half at home. But we accepted it like colon cancer and moved on.

So not wanting to travel tooooo far for one half of soccer, we tried out the only pub in the extremely dry suburb of Pinelands, affectionately known as God’s Waiting Room.

“It can’t be that bad can it?”

So, expecting a nice vibe from a bunch of drunken football fans, we were not so pleasantly surprised to walk in on…

FUCKING KARAOKE NIGHT. It was, for lack of a better phrase, an absolute fuckshow. And the football was on silent.

At this shitheap of a pub, there were some interesting people. There was white Serena Williams manning the karaoke machine. There was the Nancy-boy who winked at another guy as he walked off from his sterling performance (and I tell you no word of lie – he was wearing a United jersey). Then there was the drunkard sleeping by the mandatory slot machines who woke up every 5 minutes to flash his nipples in front of the projector screen. The projector screen that showed the silent football.

But the icing on the karaoke/football cake was Lionel Richie. Lionel Richie sang a song. On the stage. At the karaoke. He had a mullet, just like Lippe himself – I swear to Oprah it was him. But wait, there’s more. If you call now, you’ll get a second Lionel Richie. And we did. A second Lionel Richie hobbled up to the stage to sing a real Lionel Richie song. No word of lie.

All we needed was one more and we’d have once, twice, three times a Lionel. I’m sorry.

All of this in 45 minutes plus extra time.
Naturally, we left and went to the centre

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