Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Near-death Experience

I’ve always heard about this happening. After a near-death experience, people change their lives for the better. My life has just flashed before my eyes. I remembered all the bad things I’ve done and the people I’ve hurt. I’ve made a list of resolutions so that I can be a better person. (My Name is Earl):

Stop smoking

Tell my loved ones more often that I love them

Make every effort to watch Liverpool at Anfield

Watch Ben Hur

Stop saying the P word to taxi drivers

Give paper money to the guy with the black bag at the robots

Give my change to the little cripple statue at Pick ‘n’ Pay

Cut off Michael Owen’s leg and beat him to death with his own limb

Go to church more than twice a year

Because I care about you and I’d like YOU to also change your life for the better, I’m going to share my near-death experience with you.

With special thanks to Serena Williams and ESPN. Here it is:

God bless you.

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