And now, finally, after 25 years of violent streams of vomit spewing forth from the mouths of men, Oprah has found a cure. She is stopping the show.
How does 25 years of talking shit and giving away free stuff make someone a million-billion-gazillion-trillion-airre?
I would just like to thank everyone and everything that helped make this shit stop:
Oprah’s famous yo-yo diet, Tom Cruise, God, The Colour Purple, The ABC Network and finally, men.
I’ve so many stories involving Oprah:
One time, I was within a 15-metre radius of the TV while Oprah was on, and I accidentally butchered someone’s face with a butter knife. I didn’t even know it was happening – it was like my mind was being controlled.
Then there was the time I was on SABC 2 while Oprah was on. I really loved that dog. Rest in peace my sweet.
There are also some other violent crimes I’ve committed thanks to Oprah, but due to my out-of-court settlements and confidentiality agreements I have with the involved parties, I can not discuss them.
I really really hate Oprah but I’ve found it in my heart to thank her for making it all stop.
And for finding the cure for Sponti Kotz-alitis.