Monday, November 23, 2009

14 kids and counting

Seriously – check it out:

A mum-of-13 who costs taxpayers £50,000 a year has said she won't stop having kids until she gives birth to twins.

Baby machine Sara Foss, 39, is due to give birth to her 14th child in April but will try to get pregnant again as soon as possible to realise her dream.

The brazen mum said today: "All I've ever wanted is twins or triplets. It's my biggest wish, and I'm going to keep trying until I do it. It would be fantastic. In fact, I won't stop trying until I've done it. I love having babies - it's the most wonderful thing in the world."

Sara was 16 when she had her first baby, Patrick, in 1986 - but, traumatised by giving birth, she vowed not to have any more children. It was a decade before she changed her mind and had a second son, Stephen - and she has almost averaged a birth a year ever since.

"I got over my fear of labour and just started having kids. They're all brilliant. They don't give me any bother. They're fantastic."

Her mammoth brood now comprises Patrick, 23, Stephen, 13, Malachai, 12, Peppermint, 11, Echo, 10, Eli, nine, Rogue, eight, Frodo, seven, Morpheus, five, Artemis, four, Blackbird, three, Baudelaire, two, and nine-month-old Voorhees.

All bar Patrick share a three-bedroom council house with their mother and father, Sara's long-term partner Stephen Smith, 40.

So this chick is about to give birth to her 14th child.

14. That’s one for every day of a fortnight. One for every player in a soccer team, including 3 subs. I bet we’re all picturing the same thing at this exact moment. The sleeve of a wizard.

Okay pretty amazing and all that shit. Maybe they don’t have a TV. Maybe they’re old school Catholics. Who cares why? What I care about is the names of the poor little brats.

Patrick - standard name, although a little gay
Stephen – standard – that’s fine

Malachai
So maybe they are Catholic

Eli
Okay maybe they’re Jewish.

Peppermint
What the fuck? I bet they didn’t mind changing his/her nappies.

Echo, echo, echo
Imagine calling that kid in a 3-room council house.

Rogue
I bet she liked X-Men

Frodo
I bet this one’s ‘mommy’s precious’

Morpheus
I her birth control pills confused her. She didn’t know whether to take the blue pill or the red pill.
Artemis
No comment.

Blackbird
I bet this one is a chick.

Baudelaire
That’s a surname. Like the one in Leminy Snicket’s Series of Unfortunate Events.

Voorhees
O ek wil huistoe gaan, na mama en my 13 broers en susters toe. Die huis is vol and my trane rol. Daai ou wat vanaand by my ma wil le, hy can maar le, sy is a loslappie.

So when she uses her vagina for what’s sure to be the last time before amputation, what are the twins or triplets names going to be?

Wolverine?
David and Goliath.?
Jesus, Mary and Joseph?
Neo and Trinity?
Peaches and Cream?
Hewey, Louis and Dewey?
Hawk?
Schmegel and Gandalf ?

Poor, poor, vagina.

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