Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Kentucky Fried Fuckall

Last week I found myself in a state of hunger that would make an Ethiopian look like a king. Everyone has their own 1st prize meal when they’re hungry, the meal that will satisfy extreme hunger the best – mine is a KFC Zinger Meal and a Streetwise 2.

So I made the 5 minute drive to KFC, getting more and more excited with every 100m I drove.

I pulled up to the window of the drive-thru, still unsure of whether “Zinger” or “Streetwise 2” would come out of my mouth first. Zinger came first. Streetwise 2 followed diligently.

Nothing could’ve prepared me for what I heard next. The following dialogue may have been altered for dramatic effect.

KFC: I’m sorry sir, but we have no chicken.

Me: Haha, how much is it?

KFC: I’m sorry, we have no chicken.

Me: What the fuck?

KFC: Excuse me sir?

Me: I’m sorry, what I said was, WHAT THE FUCK? How can Kentucky Fried Chicken not have any chicken? Is this Kentucky Fried Fuckall? Is it Kentucky Fried Dry Rolls and Chips?

KFC: Just hang on a second sir.

(She pops her head through a door and shouts a question at somebody).

KFC: Sir, they said they can make a new batch of chicken but you’ll have to wait a half an hour.

No word of lie. KFC first say they have no chicken. Then they say I’ll have to wait 30 mins for a new batch.

For about 15 seconds, I considered never going to a KFC ever again. But when those 15 seconds of silliness was over, I drove 5km down the road and went to the next closest KFC.

Over the next couple of days, the events of that evening bothered me. I pondered one question day and night for 3 days flat - WWCD? What Would the Colonel Do?

So I decided to find out. I did the only thing that helps in situation like this - I wrote a letter. Actually I filled out one of those ‘contact us’ forms on the website. And I didn’t go for the pisswilly little KFC Cape Town branch. I went for Louisville Kentucky.

And the very next day, I got a phone call, apologising and promising me that the branch will contact me shortly.

I don’t want them to contact me, I want a free bucket of chicken.

If I don’t get a free bucket, I’m getting Eric Cartman and we’re going to find the Colonel himself.

KFC’s got no chicken. What is this world coming to?

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