Friday, May 14, 2010

Roon Man

By definition, a savant is someone who is mentally handicapped, often autistic, but with one super special talent.

For example, Kim Peek, the guy that inspired the movie Rain Man (really), has a photographic memory and reads 8 books a day, averaging 10 seconds a page. And he remembers everything he reads.


The man is brilliant. He also has a special talent for dates: He asks people on the streets what their birthday is and how old they are, and he tells them the exact day their birthday fell on in the year they were born, and what day it will fall on in the current year. He’s so brilliant, he’s called a Mega Savant.

A Mega Savant we all know a lot better is Wayne Rooney or Roon Man. This guy is mentally handicapped and unstable. And like any savant, he has a special talent – football, and he’s brilliant. But Roon Man is an absolute half wit.

Today, he’s in the press saying that he wants to be a football manager when he has retired from playing. He’s busy getting his coaching badges (the qualifications required to be a manager) but he doesn’t even know that you don’t need badges to play FIFA or Pro Evolution.

I pulled some quotes from the Mega Savant’s article:

“I love football and enjoy football - I can't see myself running a restaurant, I want to be in football.”

“Heeeuuuuaaheeeaaaaauuurrrrggghhh.”

Here’s a peach:

“When YOU do stop playing, I want to be involved in football.”

I stopped playing a long time ago Roon Man, so go ahead and manage your team. It’s no wonder Nike have cancelled his endorsement contract. He’s now the new face of Pick ‘n’ Pay.

Roon Man. Inspired by you.



Fucking idiot.

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